Let me tell you a little about myself. I'm am a girl in my 20's suffering from a wide variety of health issues including:
Severe Arthritis, Psoriasis, Costochondritis, depression, Anxiety, Polycystic Ovary Disease, Hypertension and more...

As of lately I've been in constant pain, and I've wanted to just vent about it, but I didn't want to bother or scare away all of my regular followers, so I started up this blog.

I plan to talk about my physical and mental issues that I deal with on a daily basis.

There may also be some nerdiness crap sprinkled in here as well since I'm a fan of video games, webcomics, anime junk and all things nerdy.



To Live On by Min Jeong Seo

“The stalks these flowers are already dried up but their blossoms are preserved and kept fresh by the medical infusion bags. The life-span of every living creature is limited.The infusion bags stand for the progress in medicine and the prolongation of human life.They somehow carry an ambivalent message as they refer to both death and life an the same time. Both states are immanent here. To preserve the beauty of the flowers artifically with the help of the infusion bags points out man’s inclination to repress the fact having to die and to postpone death.”

I need a real career.

So I have been promoted to a management position at my retail job.  I am very mixed on the whole situation. This position is more money and a lot more hours, as well as many long nights. I have to deal with money, cashiers who won’t listen to me, asshole customers who talk down to me and trash the store in unthinable ways… It also requires a lot more time on my feet, and lifting with my back, two common issue spots when it comes to my arthritis. Needless to say, I am quickly approaching a zone of discomfort… I can easily go back to being a cashier again, but I know manager will look way better on a resume, and I don’t want to be comfortable in this job… I want a real career. I am so ready to move on!

I’m always afraid how to approach the real job thing though… how do I tell them I will need days off to get important medicine I need to function.  I know the interview process is me trying to sell myself as being valuable employee, which is hard to do when I’m so damn depressed… and I’m always afraid for when my medicine wares off, I want to be able to walk into my interview, not hobble… and my skin… I don’t need them thinking I’ve got poison Ivy or something…?    Really though… How do you sell such a broken product to a company? 

Not to mention I’ve had two AWFUL interview experiences, so I’m a little traumatized…   

I need a real job, but I’m scared to death to put myself out there again.

Highest Dose

I got my IV this morning, and I am now at the highest possible dose of remicade. I really hope this works out for me…

so far, the only side effect I’m feeling is a little bit of a headache and just extreme exhaustion (probably from the high dose of benadryl…)  but even so, I can already feel a small improvement with my feet (they’re still crazy swollen) but walking a little bit isn’t nearly as agonizing as it had been just yesterday…

I really hope the swelling goes down more before the weekend, we had plans to go out, skating, go-carting, and general fun stuff…

needless to say, I haven’t been looking forward to this as much I should be…   :(

I hardly slept at all last night, I kept waking up due to the extreme pain in my spine and feet. I kept tossing and turning to try and get comfortable, but nothing helped…

Tomorrow’s my IV, I never imagined I’d be so happy to have a needle jammed in my arm for hours.



My feet are so swollen, my back is so sore…

I have 5 more days before my IV…

I wonder if they’re going to have to up my dose again…

what if this medicine stops working too?

what’s next?

I hope you feel better and I hope you get the treatment you need/deserve. 

Thank you dear! <3

About two more days to go before my next IV, I can’t wait!

My feet are so swollen, my back is so sore…

I have 5 more days before my IV…

I wonder if they’re going to have to up my dose again…

what if this medicine stops working too?

what’s next?

Stress at work, and worn off medicine

So, work has been super stressful for me lately!

Currently there are no managers at the store I work at. I am supposed to be bumped up to manager this week, but I wasn’t on the scedule this week, so they’ve had me coming in on random days. (Which has been driving me insane)

I’m supposed to come in on Friday, and Friday is truck day… This is supposed to be my day to prove I’m capable of unloading a truck and stocking quickly.  With my medicine I should do fine, buuuuuuuut…

My IV is next week, and my previous one has already worn off.  :(  I’m functioning by popping ibuprofen again… I’m so screwed… So far it’s definitely hitting hard in my back, and coming back in my chest and feet too, it hasn’t hit my hips yet… as for my skin, the psoriasis is really bad on my legs, and even showing up on my nose too.  There’s no way to hide that… Ugh!

This is going to be a crappy work week.  I can’t wait for Thursday so I can get my IV!   :(

Anonymous asked
I have psoriasis, too, and I've been so afraid of getting a tattoo because it might react! Anything happen to yours (love the color, btw), or has it been healing well?

Aw, thank you!

And I understand completely!  I originally put it off for years because of the psoriasis, but I  just decided to take my chances finally.

 I’ve had it about two weeks, and right now it’s in the scabbing/peely/itchy/dull-color stage (I have been trying my hardest not to scratch over it) Apparently that’s normal (I’ve been googling the healing process quite frequently) I guess it has to scab over and the scabs have to fall off on their own.

I decided to included a photo so you can see how close it is to one of my psoriasis patches, and as far as I can tell it’s healing as it should be?  But I will gladly keep my blog updated on how the process is going for me!  It may be too early to see if the psoriasis will get to it or not, but so far it seems ok?  

If you do decide to go for a tattoo, I’d love to know!  :)  

(Also, if you want to ask me again in a few more weeks/months, I’ll gladly give another update then if it would help your decision!) Just keep in mind, Psoriasis is a finicky disease, it may manifest itself in different ways in different people)

Either way, I hope this helps!  <3

Anonymous asked
Emma is this you?

nope, sorry, my name’s Tracy.   :)